I'm glad you are still here
by John MickeysBigSurprise Egbert
Summary: Dave never knew john began self harm, until they were close to having 'fun'. rated M for yaoi ouo rated: horrible, because I suck at all fanfictions and this was the only one out of fifteen that i actually fucking finished. O h. also because im horrible at grammar .3.


You groan as you stir in your sleep, rolling around in your bed as you slowly start to whimper. Your name is John Egbert and at the moment you are having a horrible nightmare. The pictures in your head that look and feel so real make you curl into a little ball and shake. The way Dave's body slowly falling to the floor, his shade shattered. You feel the need to run over to him and hug him as tight as you can as you whisper sweet nothings into his ear. You walk over to the blood drenched body that still has a few breaths in his system. "D-Dave…Please…d-don't go." You breathe in between sobs and sit beside him as you wrap your arms around your best friend. His eyes slowly open, the red iris' looking straight to you. "I'm sorry John…" he hesitates to say those three words. You lift your head up and look into his eyes and let a tear slip down your cheek. "You can't leave, not now. Just please don't leave me on this dreadful planet. I can't keep going without you by my side. Just please, don't go." He smiled underneath you and slowly places his hand on your cheek, his thumb caressing the side. "I…I love you john…and don't you…ever…forget that." His smile slowly goes away as his body becomes heavy in your lap. Your eyes slowly become filled with tears, slowly slipping from underneath your glasses. "I…I…Dave...Please…no…Please don't go...I can't...You can't leave! Please! Stay! I...You can't leave...Not like this..." your hand gets full of his shirt as you clench your fist and sob into his chest, taking your fist and beating his chest, your eyes closed shut as you choke on sobs. "Dave! Wake up! You can't leave! Just please! Don't leave me here!" you continue beating your fist to his chest. You slowly lose your strength. You lay your head to his chest and press your ear to the place his heart is. Not beating, no sound. Just you sobbing at the moment are the only thing you can hear. You close your eyes and a tear slides to your eyes to the blood coated shirt. "I'm sorry...I know I wouldn't be able to protect you...I'm so sorry. Please, forgive me." You open your eyes to find yourself crying in your sleep. The light blue colors in your eyes are faded. You sit up and hide your face in your hands for a brief moment. You turn your body and stand to your feet. Your eyes slowly regain its bright color. Your phone makes a noise to tell you that you got a message from someone. As you take it in your hands you smile at which it is that is messaging you. 'Yo, are you up yet..? I don't have all day Egderp. I want to get out of this smuppets infested apartment. Now wake up asshole.' You wipe the dry tears away from your cheeks and message Dave back.  
''Fine, Fine. I'm awake. What do ya want?  
Good morning sleeping beauty, have a nice nap?  
Well to be honest, I didn't have a nice 'nap' at all.  
Aw and why is that, Hun?  
Just a bad dream…nothing important.  
What ever you say, sweetie.  
Now what did you want, Dave.  
Well I wanted to ask if I could maybe come over and spend the week with you. You know just spend time with my boyfriend, Nothing that special.  
Oh, well if that's the case then yeah, sure, you can come over.  
I'll be over in a few, okay..?  
Yeah sure, see ya then.''  
You take your phone in your hand. You are too lazy to put some clothes on considering the fact you only have a long t-shirt on that goes to your knees, which was in fact your fathers. You walk down your stairs hesitating on each step sense you didn't have your glasses on, and sit down on the couch. It's a good thing your dad is on a business trip or he would probably yell at you for being in only a shirt and no clothing item on your legs. You lie down and slowly drift off into a sleep as you wait for Dave to come.  
Dave is just smiling down at you as he takes in the picture of you lying there with your ass just hanging out. You groan as he shakes your shoulder, trying to wake you up. "John, C'mon I'm not going to wait for you to wake up, again." He slowly turns your body to where you are on your back and not your side. He slides his arm underneath your legs and sliding his other arm under your back and picking you up princess style. He sits down on the couch and places you in his lap, just smirking as you snuggle into his chest. You were asleep after all, you didn't know what you were doing but you are damn glad you did. He cradles you like a baby. "Bunbert~ c'mon wake up, now. You don't want to sleep the whole day away, now do we?" he smiles as you groan and nuzzles into his chest. "Five more minutes…." you mumble into his chest. His smile faded into a smirk. "Nope, I'm not waiting another five minutes for you to just fall back asleep. Now, wake up." You groan and open your eyes to look up at him. "Fine, I'm awake, happy..?" your voice is a bit groggy from not getting enough sleep. You didn't even notice that your member is kind of just there, peeking out from under your t-shirt. His smirk goes wider as he sees you look to it. "You're still beautiful, John." You look back up at him and take the hem of your shirt and pull it down more. "Can I go back to sleep, now?" you ask as you nuzzle back into his chest. "Nope, I didn't come here to watch you sleep Bunbert." You look up to him then close your eyes. He sighs and slowly slides his hand down your under thigh. Your eyes quickly open, turning a bright cyan blue. He laughs a bit and continues his slow movement. If he didn't wear those god damn shades you would be pretty sure that lust would be filling them. His face is a bit blurry sense you /still/ didn't have your glasses on. He removes his hand from your thigh and places it to your knee. He slipped his hand under your shirt and caressed in between your thighs. You close your eyes and moan his name. He is pleased by your response and he smiles. He stopped and slipped his hand under your legs and sat up as he carried you up the stairs. Your eyes remain shut as you cuddle into his chest for the rest of the way to your bedroom. He stops in front of your door, which is shut. He slowly put you down. You looked up at him as he pressed you against the door frame with his hand. He leaned down and brushed his lips against yours, teasing you. He took your chin into his hand and lifted your head up and pressed his lips to yours. You kissed him back as he removed his hand from your chin and placing it on your waist. Your arms slowly wrap around his neck. He bit down on your lip softly asking you for an entrance. Opening your mouth slightly you allow him to explore the space of your mouth. Sliding his tongue along yours, you moan into the kiss. You suck lightly onto his tongue, making him smile as you do so. He moves his hands to your ass without noticing. He lifted you up, his movement making you squeal in the back of your throat. You wrap your legs around his waist as he presses you more into the frame of your bedroom door. Kissing and biting at your lips. The pace going faster as you moan here and there when he pulled away from your lips and started biting and licking on your neck. Dave's hand explores down from your waist to your inner thigh. He pauses as he felt a scab of some sort, it was a thin line after all it couldn't be that bad. Could it…?  
You are now Dave Strider, the ironic asshat that is mostly horny all the damn time when he is around John, his boyfriend. Anyways, you pause as you felt the thin line, raising your hand a bit more just to feel even more of those thin lines. You quickly look down at john. His eyes were wide as he looked up back at you. He was afraid of what you were going to say. After all, you didn't feel the lines of scabs earlier. He was afraid that you were going to yell at him. You could see it in his eyes. The blue iris' was slowly being filled with water, making a small tear fall from his blue glistening eye. You couldn't help but stop what you were doing and hug the shit out of him ((not literally you fucking idiots, I'm not that stupid, pfft- okay maybe I am that stupid…ANYWAYS CONTINUE READING AHA HAHA...Don't question my stupidity..))It doesn't take him 0.5 of a second to hug you back. Why didn't he tell you about this? You were his boyfriend. You would at least think that he would tell you about his depressing moments and how it came up to the fact he would hurt himself like that. You decide to pull him away from you and hold him by the shoulders as you look deep into his eyes behind your shades. He looks back up at you with a small frown on his face. You quickly open the door which was closed to your right. Pulling john by his hand into the room, sitting down on his bed you pull him with you. You look down to his thighs which were covered in red and white lines. You loved the two colors, but seeing those colors on john that was placed on his skin just wanted you to scream and shout. You ran your three fingers over three red marks on his thigh softly. John froze and stiffened as you did so. "What made you come to this…" your voice came out so….so….serious….john quickly looked sad as you said those six words. He pulled the t-shirt down by the hem and pulled his knees to his chest, hiding his face in his knees as he mumbled into them. "Idunknuw…" you took off your shades and glared at john. "I mean it john, what. Made you do this. What happened? Why the fuck didn't you tell me about this before..? Hmm..?" you heard a muffled sob from john's knees. He raised his head and looked at you with tears falling from his eyes. "I h-have told you a-about it! The bullying! The g-grades! I told you about all o-of it D-dave!" your eyes widened as you heard john scream and yell at you. You have never heard john raise his voice. He looked down a bit and took a deep breath "Every time…When you had to go somewhere…or…you just went offline…I always…felt…alone…I would start thinking that I didn't deserve you…I started to think I shouldn't even be alive…" he sniffled slightly and rubbed his eyes with his fists. You stared down at john as he rocked back and forth with his knees against his chest. You didn't know what to do, what to say, what to feel. The thought of john's death is dominating your mind; all the other thoughts pushed to the side and pailing in comparison. Yes, john has told you about the bullying and the grades, but you didn't know it would start making him feel so insecure about himself. John always has a smile on his face, but this time he doesn't. It isn't like him. He's usually all bubbly and happy and such. Right now he's just sad, depressed, and confused. You don't know if you should hug him, walk out and go home, or just sit there and hear the sobs coming from john. You simply decide to neither of those choices and talk to him, make him a bit happy. "John, you are never alone nor should you be thinking any of that. I'm not going to be one of those people that think cutting is just for attention, because I know you aren't doing it for that reason. You're doing it because you felt that it was right. You felt like no one else was there for you so you had to have something or someone there. If you ever. And I mean. /ever/ feel like that again, call me, text, pesterchum, do anything you can to contact me. I don't care if I'm at something important or if I'm asleep. I want you to talk to me about these things before you come to that conclusion." Johns eyes widened in surprise. "I….I never thought those words would be coming out of your mouth Dave…" you smiled slightly and pulled him into your arms. "You're the most important thing to me john...I couldn't just sit here and let all of this happen…I love you..." john hugged you slightly tighter and hid his face into your chest. "I love you too Dave." You could feel john smile into your shirt. Knowing that John will be okay now is the most heartwarming thing you have felt in years. After your bros death, you never seemed to show emotion, only towards john. You wouldn't exactly say you didn't care. You was not a robot, you have feelings. There just was this thing your bro had taught you: Never show them you're hurt and never cry. Your bro had never cried when he was still alive. That was another thing that pained you to no end; the death of your guardian. No one had seen you shed a single tear, just like your bro would have wanted, but it hurt, oh did it hurt. Bro raised you as there never had been a parent to do so. But now he was gone, dead, and he would never come back. you had always looked up to his brother, even though you had felt unexplainable hatred for him sometimes, maybe it had been that puppets that were always scattered all over the place, or the love he often failed to show you. Sometimes you even thought he loved his puppets more than you, especially lil cal, his favorite. But nonetheless bro was your hero, and so was john. John made you smile more than bro did. John actually makes you show emotion. John actually loved you for you, not for some cool kid that looks hot in skinny jeans. Yeah, the girls at school would head over heels for you but you want someone that wouldn't see you for your looks and with that, you found the perfect someone. John had always been the one, and that just makes you love him even more. You were his only exception after all.


End file.
